Undone

I know this feeling well. Like I’m coming undone on the inside. I find myself soul searching and re-evaluating my situation. It’s an internal struggle between my body and my spirit… I feel like I’m slipping away and I have to fight to stay inside my body. I sometimes think…maybe I should just let go…but it’s like drowning and fighting for air. My doctor said this is de-realization…a symptom of extreme panic disorder.  I have lived with panic attacks my whole life and nothing helps forever. They always come back. Anything can trigger an attack. It could be something as simple as a movie. I try to avoid situations that will likely trigger one but I never know what is going to happen. It could be a random stranger’s voice, appearance, it could be a smell or a sound… and it is getting harder to deal with because nobody understands what I’m going through.